"Just to be Known."
Characters
Harlow: Mid 20s, Sarcastic, Jaded, Lost, Rehab Patient
Jamie: Late 20s, Quietly Intelligent, Product of a Broken Home, Rehab Patient
Dr. Hudson: Late 40s, Psychologist, He Cares.
Carmen: Early 30s, Kiss-ass, Desperate for Attention, Rehab Patient
Ezra: Early 20s, Needy, Shy, Rehab Patient
Pete: Late 40s, Haggard, Broken, Hollow Sadness, Rehab Patient
Sam: Late 40s, Belligerent, Pathetic, Trouble-maker, Rehab Patient
Joel: Late 30s, Ignorant clinger-on, Rehab Patient
Jones: guard/orderly
Gomez: guard/orderly
The action of this play takes place in various rooms of a Drug/Alcohol and Mental Rehabilitation center, including a group therapy room, an office, and a recreation room. The stage direction is just as important as the dialogue.
Synopsis
This play is about the only people who are blamed for having a disease.
"You always hear 'Damn it, Otto, you're an alcoholic..! Never, 'Damn it, Otto, you have Lupus...!' Cause one of those just don't sound right."
― Mitch Hedberg.
ACT ONE:
(Lights up. Scene begins with eight mismatched chairs in a circle. Rehab patients sit in the circle á la group therapy. The room is unremarkable, clinical, void of personality.)
DR. HUDSON
(Leans back in his chair and put's his hands behind his head) Alright, people. Today we have some newcomers with us, so, let's get the first day of school over with, shall we? (Sits up) Which one of the newbie's wants to go first? (Looks at HARLOW and JAMIE, waiting for one of them to volunteer to speak first.)
JAMIE
(Motions with a hand towards HARLOW) Ladies first…
HARLOW
(Uncrosses her arms and stands, her wrists are bandaged) Fine…(In her best pageant voice) My name is Harlow DeLuca, I like long walks on the beach, fine dining, and I attempted suicide…(begins to sit, but then stands upright) …oh, and I'm an alcoholic…(begins to sit, and
then stands again) …and I'm addicted to pain pills… (Sits…shrugs)…that's it.
DR. HUDSON
(Sitting forward with elbows resting on his legs) Colorful, sarcastic, I like it, thank you Harlow… Jamie, please stand.
JAMIE
(Stands up, cracks his knuckles) Uh…I'm Jamie…and, uh, I'm an alcoholic, and I tried to…kill…myself. (Sits)
DR. HUDSON
Alright, thanks man. Now that introductions are outta' the way, I'd like the group to focus on the major common thread in this room: suicide.
CARMEN
Attempted suicide, Dr. Hudson. Luckily… I'm still here.
DR. HUDSON
You're right, Carmen. Attempted suicide…Group, Carmen has just touched on one of the topics I'd like to discuss, which is how ya'll feel now that you're still alive. As Carmen mentioned, she feels lucky to be here. Do any of you wanna' comment on how you feel...?
EZRA
…I feel, I dunno', kinda'… good, I guess… I mean, killin' myself would've been the easy way out, but not the right way out…I gotta' face my problems, ya' know, like a man.
DR. HUDSON
Good, that's awesome, man. Alright, thanks Ezra. Who else would like to share? Maybe one of our new groupies? Harlow, would you like to share?
HARLOW
…Well, doc, I gotta' be honest, I'm not feelin' too great. See, there isn't a whole lot I'm good at. I mean, I can't cook, I can't swim, but I thought, 'hey, I should be able to kill myself.' Well, imagine my surprise when I woke up in a hospital room…alive… Boy was my face red!
CARMEN
(Whiny voice) Excuse me, Dr. Hudson? I feel like the new girl is not taking group therapy seriously, it's very counterproductive, wouldn't you agree, Dr. Hudson?
HARLOW
The new girl has a name...
(Stands up and begins to cross over to where CARMEN is sitting)
HARLOW
…and if you wanna' see counterproductive―
(Before HARLOW can get to CARMEN, DR. HUDSON restrains HARLOW, calling for guards to subdue her in her chair. Once everyone is back in their chairs, the guards leave, and DR. HUDSON returns his attention back to the group.)
DR. HUDSON
Harlow, I understand this is a new and confusing environment for you, but attacking a fellow group mate ain't gonna' fly here…I'm gettin' a real cynical vibe from you, kid.
HARLOW
(Squints one eye and makes the shape of a gun with her index finger and thumb) Bulls-eye, Doc.
DR. HUDSON
Why is that, Harlow? Is there somethin' I
can do to help you benefit from our little sessions here?
HARLOW
Uh, yeah, actually there is…do you wanna' hear what it is?
DR. HUDSON
Shoot.
HARLOW
Okay, here it is… (Scoots to the edge of her chair) …you can help by…letting me… the fuck outta' here…ta-da! (Feigns spirit fingers.)
CARMEN
Dr. Hudson! How can I possibly learn anything from these sessions when the new girl completely disregards the fact that other people take therapy seriously?!
HARLOW
Did you just say new girl? You just do
not learn…
(HARLOW gets up from her chair, but guards appear and restrain her.)
HARLOW
Let me go! Get off of me! You stupid ass mother―
DR. HUDSON
(Overlap) Alright, that's enough! Jones, Gomez, see how Ms. DeLuca likes solitary…
(The guards remove HARLOW from the room, exit the stage. The group is quiet, and DR. HUDSON sits back down in his chair.)
DR. HUDSON
That one's a bit hostile, huh? Well, whata' ya' gonna' do? Hopefully durin' the next group meeting she will be more… responsive to therapy…Okay, shall we pick up from Ezra's last comments?
(Lights fade out with no one talking.)
ACT TWO:
(Lights up. Scene has transformed into DR. HUDSON's office. The desk is piled with papers, and there is one beat up leather chair. There is a phone on his desk. Scene begins.)
DR. HUDSON
(Picks up the phone and dials a number) Yeah, hey, can you send Ms. DeLuca down to my office, alright, thanks. (Hangs up the phone.)
(DR. HUDSON looks through some papers on his desk, and a few moments later, there is a knock on the office door.)
DR. HUDSON
Come in.
(HARLOW enters the office.)
HARLOW
You wanted me, Doc?
DR. HUDSON
Yeah, I wanted to talk to you… have a seat Harlow. I've actually been goin' over your file this mornin', very interesting.
HARLOW
(Wide eyed and innocent) You've been studying up on me? Well, Doctor, what can I say..? I'm flattered.
DR. HUDSON
Don't be…
(Puts on a pair of reading glasses, and begins to read from papers in a manila folder.)
DR. HUDSON
Two stints at Mercy rehabilitation center, two and nine days respectively. Multiple arrests for DUI, DWI, and assault of a police officer…And yet, you were still able to graduate from UC Berkeley.
HARLOW
Well what can I say; I'm a tortured and complicated individual.
DR. HUDSON
(Puts down file) Why are you here, Harlow? Besides the fact that it's part of your probation.
HARLOW
You're just itching to pick my brain aren't you doctor? To get down to the essence of who I am, why I turned out the way I did…or maybe… you want somethin' else, Doc.
DR. HUDSON
I've also read about why you were kicked out of Mercy the last time. Relations with both the attending psychiatrist and an orderly..? Sorry to inform ya' Ms. DeLuca, but I ain't runnin' that kinda' show here.
HARLOW
Okay, the second stint, I admit, the orderly was a mistake. But my first time at Mercy they screwed up…
DR. HUDSON
Mercy has some of the best physicians in the country, what did they do that was so horrible?
HARLOW
All the plants at that clinic were dead!
DR. HUDSON
So..?
HARLOW
I'm not gonna' put my life in the hands of people who can't even keep a cactus alive.
(DR. HUDSON get's up and walks over to the door.)
DR. HUDSON
Consider this your final warning, Harlow. I'm all for helping people, that's why I do this for a livin'―
HARLOW
Really? And here I thought it was for the money and glamour…who wouldn't want all this? (Motions with
arms)
DR. HUDSON
Sarcasm as a defense mechanism, very original… I will
not let you interfere with the health and well-being of the other patients…Do we have an understanding?
HARLOW
(Stands up and stands close to DR. HUDSON) You really think you can help me… don't you?...I almost feel sorry for you Dr. Hudson…but then again, I love watching a train wreck.
DR. HUDSON
Hence the chaos that is your life. I'll see you in group.
(DR. HUDSON holds open the door and HARLOW exits. DR. HUDSON closes the door and walks back over to his desk. He picks up the file and begins to look through it again. Knock at the door.)
DR.HUDSON
Come in.
(Ezra opens the door and stands in the doorway)
EZRA
Uh, Dr. Hudson? I was wondering…Are we allowed conjugal visits?
DR. HUDSON
Ezra, conjugal visits are for prison
inmates…is there somethin' you'd like to discuss?
EZRA
Uh, no, that's okay…thanks anyway. I'm just gonna' go ―
(DR. HUDSON walks over to the door and peers out. Off stage, HARLOW is heard laughing.)
DR. HUDSON
HARLOW! (Looks at EZRA) Did she tell you to ask me that?
EZRA
(Looking down at the ground) No, sir, she didn't…I asked because I wanted to know, ya' know, for future…uh, she said that if you said yes she'd…like, do stuff―
DR. HUDSON
HARLOW! Get in here!
HARLOW
(Voice heard off stage) Sorry, Doc! Don't wanna' be late for group!
(DR. HUDSON storms out of the office, exits the stage. EZRA is left standing in the doorway looking after DR. HUDSON. Lights fade out.)
ACT THREE:
(Lights up. The group therapy circle is back in place. DR. HUDSON enters with two extra chairs in hand. He slams the two chairs in the center of the circle, and turns towards the group with a hurried and angry expression.)
DR. HUDSON
Alright kids. Group is gonna' work a little differently today. I'm gonna' need two volunteers…Harlow, Carmen, thank you so much.
HARLOW
I didn't raise my hand.
DR. HUDSON
You're suddenly so inhibited, Harlow? C'mon, in the chair…Carmen, if you wouldn't mind.
(HARLOW and CARMEN both make their way over to the two chairs. CARMEN is smiling at DR. HUDSON)
CARMEN
No problem, Dr. Hudson… Some of us are happy to cooperate.
(HARLOW and CARMEN sit down in the chairs. They are sitting across from each other, maintaining eye contact.)
HARLOW
Do you want us to leave the room so you can blow him in private…(leans in towards CARMEN) or do you like an audience?
(CARMEN turns towards DR. HUDSON, but he holds up his hand to silence her. She sits in the chair with her arms crossed.)
DR. HUDSON
Harlow, seeing as how you've treated this clinic as your own personal dumpin' ground, I'd like you to be that forthcoming in the circle…Do you think you can do that? Tell people exactly what you think of them?
HARLOW
Are you serious? I'm giddier than Rudy Giuliani at a 9/11 memorial!
DR. HUDSON
(Sarcastically) Great. Carmen, this rule applies to you as well. Tell Harlow exactly what you think of her and why…Okay,(claps hands together) let's get started! Harlow, you may go first.
HARLOW
(Spiteful grin) Carmen…sweet, ignorant Carmen… Ya' know, I envy your ignorance. I wish I could believe that this was the cure… That somehow, I'm gonna' leave here a changed person…But I know the reality. When my 60 days are up, so is my sobriety…But, see, I at least have some comfort in my inevitable demise. You on the other hand, will only have your meaningless twelve steps. And every night, you'll pray to god that those steps will be enough…but here's a little bit of info, Carmen, god doesn't give a damn about you…(sits straight up) How was that Dr. Hudson?
(DR. HUDSON does not look at HARLOW, instead, he turns towards CARMEN.)
DR. HUDSON
Carmen, you're up…are you good to go?
CARMEN
(Looking at HARLOW) I think you're pathetic! You walk around here like nothing phases you, like nothing can even touch you! You think you're so much better than everybody else, but really, you're just like the rest of us…otherwise, you wouldn't be in here! Don't you get it? This is your chance to get better―
HARLOW
That's assuming I want to get better. I didn't come here voluntarily; I was exiled here, to rot away in this shit hole! There was nothing wrong with me!
CARMEN
I don't want to do this anymore, Dr. Hudson.
DR. HUDSON
Alright Carmen, that's fine. Harlow―
JAMIE
I'll do it…I'll take Carmen's place.
(CARMEN leaves the seat, and takes another around the circle. JAMIE get's up and makes his way over to the unoccupied seat and sits down.)
HARLOW
Finally, maybe one of these meetings will be slightly interesting for a change.
DR. HUDSON
Alright Jamie, same rules apply. Whenever you guys want out, say the word…Jamie, you may proceed.
(JAMIE rubs his palms on the thighs of his pants. HARLOW is watching his every move.)
HARLOW
Am I makin' ya' nervous, James Dean?
JAMIE
(Looks her dead in the eye)… I think you're scared. I think, if you didn't have alcohol or pills, you'd realize how dull you are. You'd see that, if you're not fucked up, you're just an ordinary girl… And that's what you can't stand…to be ordinary… unremarkable. You're tangled up in your own self-loathing because nobody else cares enough to save you, you're not worth it.
HARLOW
(Scoots up to the edge of her chair, so that her knees are touching JAMIE's.) Well done, Jamie, really. You're right, I am boring. I'm just a regular, everyday Joe-nobody. But the difference between me and everyone else is…I refuse to die that way. I may be the royal screw up of my family, but at least when I'm gone, they'll have a few good stories to tell at my wake…My turn now, Doc?
(DR. HUDSON nods his head.)
HARLOW
…I don't really know what to say about you, Jamie. You're a mystery…Hotter than Big Foot but just as elusive…But, I've always been a pretty good judge of character, so I'll give it a shot... You live alone, you eat alone, you drink alone…You're loneliness is why you want to die…I bet you come from a broken home. Dead beat dad, alcoholic mother. But little Jamie was a gifted child, reading at a fifth grade level in the third grade! But… the smarter the child, the more they understand their families secrets. I'm curious, Jamie, did your mother bring home a lot of new Uncles for you to play with?
JAMIE
…That's pretty good, very close. Except, in the third grade, I read at a sixth grade level. My turn…I noticed the diamond earrings, very nice. What are they, one, two carats?
HARLOW
(Smiling) Two.
JAMIE
A gift from Pops? ...Let me guess, you were daddy's little princess? Pony when you were five, BMW when you were sweet sixteen? What's daddy tryin' to make up for, Harlow..? A slip of the hand, a kiss...? I'm sure he told you all little girls' love their daddy's like (makes air quotes) "that"…How close am I?
HARLOW
(Smile has faded, first sentence spoken through gritted teeth)… My father never touched me…What about you, Jamie? How did it feel to grow up with a whore for a mother? Did the men come in, tousle your hair, call you Jimbo, and Sport? … I bet Mommy Dearest use to curse like a sailor…scream at you, 'YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER!'… It must sting a little, to grow up poor, somewhat justified in your alcoholism, because, honestly, what else is there to do in the trailer park?... All to end up staring at a little rich girl, with all the opportunities in life, but she's just too damn spoiled…
DR. HUDSON
That's enough for today, guys. We'll pick this up again tomorrow… Alright? Go on, get outta' here.
(The patients get up and exit the stage. DR. HUDSON walks over to the two chairs in the middle of the circle. He sits down in the chair JAMIE had been sitting in. Lights fade out.)
ACT FOUR:
(Lights up. There is now a couch and coffee table where the circle of chairs used to be. On either side of the coffee table, there are two mismatched chairs. HARLOW is sitting on the couch reading a book. EZRA is in one chair, and PETE is in another. SAM and JOEL are playing checkers behind the couch on a small wood table.)
SAM
That move is illegal! You can't pick one piece up and put it back down after you've already dropped it!
JOEL
Up yours, Sam! This ain't an actual competition! We're drunks in a rehab center playin' checkers to keep our minds off the fact that we're in rehab! Now are we gonna' keep playin' or what?
SAM
…Fine. New game?
JOEL
New game.
(Enter JAMIE. He begins to sit down on the couch, but then EZRA get's up from the chair and sits next to HARLOW. JAMIE sits down on the chair EZRA had been sitting on. HARLOW continues to read, as does PETE. SAM notices the interaction between EZRA and JAMIE, and get's JOEL's attention. When JOEL looks up, SAM nods towards the couch.)
JOEL
Hey there Ezra, ya' think Doc Hudson's gonna' approve your conjugal visits?
(JOEL and SAM both laugh. PETE looks up, but then looks back down at his book.)
EZRA
…Nobody was supposed to hear about that.
SAM
It's better this way kid. Now you won't have to embarrass yourself in front of a woman. I've seen you get outta' the shower, there ain't enough there to work with.
PETE
Sam, leave the kid alone. He didn't know any better.
SAM
(Ignores PETE) …Not that he'd know what to do with it even if he had somethin', ain't that right, Harlot? (Purposefully mispronounces her name.)
(SAM touches a lock of HARLOW's hair. She pulls away and scoots further down the couch.)
JAMIE
Why were you looking at it?
(JAMIE is looking at SAM, and SAM turns and looks at JAMIE.)
SAM
You wanna' repeat that, Son?
JAMIE
(Splits up the words as if SAM is slow) Why …were you…look-ing…at another man's…junk?
SAM
Are you tryin' to insin-u…insin-u…
JAMIE
That's right, sound it out…in-sin-u-ate…(Stands up.)
JOEL
He's sayin' you're a gay!
(SAM slams down a checker board piece, and starts to get up. Before he get's over to JAMIE, PETE is in between the two men, ushering SAM out of the room, with JOEL following them out. )
SAM
I ain't no gay, you sonofa' whore! Let me go, Pete! I'm gonna' whoop this kid's ass!
(SAM, PETE, and JOEL exit the stage, but SAM is still yelling off stage.)
SAM
Watch your back man! You better watch ya' self!
JAMIE
I think that guy's been watchin' all our backs lately…
EZRA
…He's had it out for me as soon as I got here. The guy doesn't like anyone who isn't Christian, …or white…or…the guy just doesn't like people…and I'm Jewish…Shalom.
(EZRA get's up and starts to leave, pauses before exiting the stage.)
EZRA
Thanks for tryin' to stick up for me…I thought you were kinduva' an asshole, but you're alright.
JAMIE
Appreciate the approval…but I am kinduva' asshole.
(EZRA exits the stage, and JAMIE sits down on the couch. He looks over at HARLOW.)
HARLOW
(Without looking up from her book)…That was nice, what you did for the kid…You didn't have to do that.
JAMIE
Kid? He's twenty-two, how old are you? Twenty-three, twenty-four?
HARLOW
Twenty-five.
JAMIE
(Nods)…Seems like old Sam has taken a liken' to you…hope you're a Christian.
HARLOW
Catholic.
JAMIE
Isn't suicide a sin to Catholic's?
HARLOW
Yeah, but I used a razor…figured, if I made it hurt, that had to count for something, right?
(JAMIE looks down at the bandages around HARLOW's wrists. HARLOW puts her book down in her lap and looks at JAMIE.)
HARLOW
Why are you talking to me? Group pretty much solidified the fact that you can't stand me.
JAMIE
(Shrugs)…What are you reading?
(HARLOW holds up her book, cover facing JAMIE.)
JAMIE
Wuthering Heights…you are a miserable person.
HARLOW
This is a classic piece of literature. But then again, I wouldn't expect someone like you to be able to comprehend the vast intellectual―
JAMIE
…Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves.
HARLOW
And honest people do not hide their deeds…Very impressive, you can read.
JAMIE
There are two things I love, and one of them is the arts.
HARLOW
What's the other thing?
JAMIE
Drinking…Can I ask you a question..? Do you honestly believe you'd be better off dead?
HARLOW
It is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.
JAMIE
I don't think Dickens was talking about suicide…how's your family takin' the whole thing?
HARLOW
My mom's telling everyone that I fell into a mirror…
JAMIE
Wrist first?
HARLOW
Yeah, well, I guess seven years bad luck is better than suicide…What about your family? Cryin' into their bottles of moonshine?
JAMIE
(Laughing) Where do you think I'm from?
HARLOW
I dunno', Kentucky?
JAMIE
I'm from California. Why did you think I was from Kentucky?
HARLOW
I guess I just think all poor white trash comes from Kentucky…I'm from New York.
JAMIE
That explains the air of pretentiousness. But at least you guys have good museums...It's a great place for artists.
HARLOW
I'm not exactly from Manhattan. More like Our Lady of the Snows Parish in Floral Park, New York…It's not really an art Mecca.
JAMIE
Isn't Mapplethorpe from Floral Park?
HARLOW
Yeah, great career that guy had. Finds out he has HIV and suddenly his dinky little Polaroid's are worth 500 grand…that's why I never go to museums, art is overrated.
JAMIE
Not all art―
HARLOW
Okay, just ninety percent of it…Art is just a bunch of horny guys' in black turtlenecks drawing naked women, framing it in industrial tubing and stealing lines from Miles Monroe like, 'teleological existential agnostic'.
JAMIE
Okay that isn't fair, Woody Allen married his girlfriend's daughter…There's never been one piece of art, a painting, a picture, that's spoken to you? That's stirred a feeling, or made you, I dunno', get lost in thought?
HARLOW
(Matter of fact) The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory…
JAMIE
I can't imagine not loving art…it's probably the only reason I've stayed alive for so long…When I draw, or when I'm in a photo darkroom, I'm at home, peaceful…
HARLOW
(Picks up a pillow from the couch and places it on her lap and plays with the fabric)…When I was seventeen, I saw a Man Ray exhibit in Soho. I was bored outta' my mind for the better half of the night, but then, I saw this photo…it was a black and white of a woman's face, she looked like she was from the 1920s, very Louise Brooks. I got closer, and I saw that she was crying… I stood there, just staring at this photo, until I realized, 'she isn't real, she's a mannequin'. And the tears, they weren't really tears, they were these gleaming, round beads of glass…It was all fake…(Looking at JAMIE.)
(JONES and GOMEZ enter the recreation room.)
JONES
Alright you two, it's time to clear out. Bed time, kids.
(JAMIE and HARLOW stand and begin to exit in opposite directions. JAMIE pauses and turns.)
JAMIE
…It doesn't take much to see that the problems of two little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world… (Turns and exits. Lights fade out as HARLOW and the guards exit the stage.)
ACT FIVE:
(Lights up. The group circle is back in place, but the two chairs that were in the center are gone. The patients file in, with HARLOW coming in last, holding her book. She takes a seat in between JAMIE and EZRA. CARMEN does not appear.)
HARLOW
(Turns towards JAMIE) Casablanca…
JAMIE
(Whispers) What?
(DR. HUDSON enters.)
HARLOW
A hill of beans…Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca.
(DR. HUDSON takes a seat and clasps his hands behind his head.)
DR. HUDSON
Okay people…yesterday was an intense group session. Hopefully, some of us have learned from the experience…Some of you may have noticed that we're one patient short. Carmen has decided to continue treatment at a different facility. We all wish her the best of luck with her recovery…Okay; does anyone have any questions they want to open up to the group?
HARLOW
(Raises her hand) I have one.
DR. HUDSON
Know that I am obliging hesitantly, young lady…
HARLOW
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
DR. HUDSON
I guess you're dead set on being the problem child this year, huh? Alright…movin' on. Today, I wanna' discuss why suicide was a conclusion for you, what made you get to that point…Okay, so, any volunteers?
(PETE raises his hand timidly.)
DR. HUDSON
Pete, you wanna' share your thoughts? The floor is open, my man.
PETE
…I, uh, about twelve years ago, my wife left me. We had four kids, and when she left, so did they…The day she left, I died…My life didn't mean a damn thing. So, I started drinkin', actually, I was already drinkin', druggin' a little too, that's why she left me. But the drinkin', it got to the point where I couldn't get outta' bed…
DR. HUDSON
What finally brought you here, Pete?
PETE
…I ran over my dog… Luke, he was a Bloodhound. I was drunk, headin' to the liquor store and he got outta' the yard somehow…When he yelped, I knew what I had done, and I broke down and cried like a baby…I killed my best friend. I picked that dog up, and I buried him in the back yard…Then I went inside, and I downed every last pill in that house, and I chased 'em down with a bottle of bourbon…
(PETE starts to cry and the room is dead silent. Everyone shifts uncomfortably.)
PETE
(Wipes his face) My neighbor had seen me hit my dog, and called the police. That's the only reason I'm still alive…That's why I'm here.
DR. HUDSON
Thank you Pete. I know that was hard for you, but it's good for the soul, man. It hurts, but it's a good hurt, Pete. Thank you…Anyone else? What are your reasons? C'mon people…
(HARLOW rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. DR. HUDSON notices this and addresses her.)
DR. HUDSON
Harlow, is there something you'd like to share? What's your reason? What brought you here?
HARLOW
My probation officer brought me here…and I don't have a reason.
DR.HUDSON
Ms. DeLuca, there are always reasons for everything that we do, this is the way of the world. Suicide is not something you decide to do on a whim―
HARLOW
There is no maxim on suicide. A reason is disposable. It's too ineffable to think that maybe some people just don't want to be here. It's okay to be unhappy with your life but it's not okay to admit it. If you do, it's like you've suddenly gone blind and everyone takes it upon themselves to point out all the supposedly great things you have, like I'm Stevie-fucking-Wonder or something.
JAMIE
Harlow, c'mon, everyone in this room has a reason.
HARLOW
Sure they do. Pete killed his dog, Ezra is pathetic, Joel has the personality of a wet sponge, and he cheats at checkers. Sam, I'm pretty sure you're the product of incest, because honestly, people just aren't born that stupid…and you―
JAMIE
Easy, Harlow.
HARLOW
(Smiles) Why? Because we had one conversation, we had a little alone time? You think I let you in? Fine. Let's hear your reason, Jamie…
JAMIE
…I hate who I am, who I let myself become…
DR. HUDSON
Who are you Jamie?
JAMIE
…I'm…my dad, my mom…She use to say that I looked so much like my dad, and so, that's why she drank, so my face would blur and she wouldn't have to see him…my dad. He was always so good at running away when things got hard…and I inherited these…things…these attributes. Everything that was vile in them… I swore up and down that I would never turn out to be like them, but I couldn't stop it, I tried to fight but…The night before I checked in here, I tried to blow my head off with a 9mm… Ya' know, with the barrel of a gun between your teeth, everything comes out in vowels…anyway, the gun jammed…
HARLOW
Alright, this whole lovey-dovey share-fest spectacular has been fun, but honestly, we're all here because we are unfit to be out in society. Knock-knock! Nobody wants us!
(JAMIE turns and looks at HARLOW, as does the rest of the group. She begins to stand up as if she is going to leave, but then JAMIE stands in front of her, blocking her way out.)
JAMIE
So why are you here, Harlow? And don't say you don't have a reason because I know you do. I can see it every time I look at you. What are you so afraid of? Why can't you just tell the truth?!
HARLOW
Why do you deserve front-row seats to the evolution of my self-destruction?
JAMIE
(Sarcastic and antagonizing) C'mon Harlow, this is what you want, isn't it? A whole room full of men, watching you…Listening to every word you say…
HARLOW
Please, I wouldn't really call any of you men…men are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped…you're all handicapped, ooh, I should write that one down.
JAMIE
And yet, you're the one who can't answer a simple question.
HARLOW
Shut up! This is fuckin' ridiculous!
(HARLOW pushes JAMIE away and JONES and GOMEZ begin to make their way towards her. DR. HUDSON holds up his hand to stop them from removing HARLOW from the room.)
HARLOW
What do you want from me?! To plead for your help?! You're Anne Sullivan and I'm Helen Keller, I'm blind and deaf but because of you, I see the light! Fuck you! You can't help me because I don't want to be helped! I deserve this! I'm supposed to be miserable!
EZRA
Dr. Hudson, maybe this isn't such a good―
JAMIE
(Overlap) Why do you deserve to be miserable, Harlow?
HARLOW
Because! I'm being punished! This is what I deserve!
(HARLOW is crying and pacing the floor, every step she takes JAMIE is there with her.)
JAMIE
Why Harlow? What happened to you?
DR. HUDSON
Alright, I'm callin' off group today, guys. Harlow, c'mon, I'm gonna' take you to your room.
(DR. HUDSON begins to walk over to HARLOW, but she doesn't move. Instead, she looks up at DR. HUDSON and shakes her head. DR. HUDSON is standing in front of her, next to JAMIE.)
HARLOW
No…I don't…I want..Dammit! Just gimme' some time! Just, I want..I want to talk..!
DR. HUDSON
Alright, Harlow, alright. Let's sit down though, okay? You're makin' the men nervous. C'mon, sit next to Jamie.
(The three of them sit down. HARLOW calms down, and after a moment, begins to speak.)
HARLOW
…Nine days before I tried to kill myself…I was…I had… an abortion.
…………..
…………..
The first five or six days, I was fine. It was the right thing to do… But then, I started thinking, what if, that…kid…that was my redemption? What if, I was supposed to have it, so that I'd get sober, and I could finally care about something other than myself? And I killed it…I realized, I wasn't mourning the loss of a child, I was mourning the loss of my chance. So damn selfish!
(None of the patients are looking at HARLOW. Only DR. HUDSON looks at her as she is talking.)
HARLOW
…So I drank…Bourbon, like Pete.
(PETE looks up at HARLOW and smiles.)
HARLOW
I drank until I had enough courage to die…I stumbled into the bathroom, and I got a razor blade... I pushed the blade into my skin. (Looking at her wrists.) I watched this beautiful, scarlet fluid stream down my hands, onto the porcelain sink…The last thing I remember is, looking up into the mirror,(Looks up. Puts her hand up as if there is a mirror in front of her.)…and I was afraid…(stands) It wasn't dying that scared me, I was afraid because, that girl, the reflection, I didn't recognize her… Then, I woke up in a hospital room. An officer told me that my cleaning lady found me…My parents came to the hospital, but…(sits)
DR. HUDSON
What's your relationship like with them, your parents?
HARLOW
(Looking at DR. HUDSON) Have you seen 'Rebel Without A Cause'?
DR. HUDSON
Yes, but I'm surprised you've seen it. Most kids these days aren't watchin' movies older than their parents.
HARLOW
…Do you remember, when Jim is arguing with his mom? She is blaming Jim for all their problems, and the dad, he just sits there on the stairs. Jim begs his dad to stand up for him, to be a man… but he doesn't. He sits there with his head in his hands, silent. Jim realizes, no matter how loud or how much he screams, it doesn't make a difference. His loneliness is inescapable; he has to stand alone…
DR. HUDSON
Harlow, that's what people in the brain scramblin' business call a breakthrough. Alright people, good session. I think we all need a breather after this one. I'll see ya'll tomorrow. (Winks at
HARLOW.)
(The group files out, and HARLOW mouths the words 'Thank you' towards DR. HUDSON. Lights fade out. DR. HUDSON exits the stage.)
(A few moments later, Lights up as HARLOW enters the empty group circle. She goes back to her chair and picks up her book. She turns around, and JAMIE enters. They look at each other for a brief moment before speaking.)
HARLOW
(Holds up her book) Why are you in here?
JAMIE
I saw you come back in here…I thought…maybe group was too much.
HARLOW
(Nods)…You wanna' know the biggest lie every parent tells their kid?
JAMIE
(Put's his hands in his pockets) What..?
HARLOW
'You can be anything you want to be'…They always forget to tell you to check the fine print.
JAMIE
(Walks towards HARLOW) What do you wanna' be, Harlow?
HARLOW
…Known.
JAMIE
'Think you're escaping and run into yourself…James Joyce."
HARLOW
'Only after disaster can we be resurrected'.
JAMIE
I don't know that one.
HARLOW
Tyler Durden, Fight Club…
JAMIE
Ah, Poetic.
(HARLOW smiles, and proceeds to walk towards the doorway, but stops short. She turns and looks at JAMIE.)
HARLOW
…How do you feel about conjugal visits?
JAMIE
(Looking at HARLOW) They're for prison inmates?
HARLOW
And what is rehab?
(JAMIE smiles and walks past HARLOW, stops in the doorway and nods at her before exiting. Lights begin to fade out; spot light on HARLOW. She looks at the still-formed circle and tosses her book in the middle of the floor. Spot light follows her to the doorway, she exits. Light out. The end…)
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